What Goes Around

The other day I was working in the girls home I work at.  I was cleaning so I was in a t-shirt working away hard.  One of the staff ladies, who is a friend of mine commented, "Leslie, you are looking healthy."  I was proud.  Yes, I have been working out a bit although not a lot.  But I felt good about myself.  But then she said, "You haven't been working out have you."  And then it clicked.  In India, saying you are healthy is a nice way of saying you are fat.  So my good thoughts quickly went to dread.  She helped explain it by saying, "Your back side is bigger."  I just have to laugh.

A few weeks ago I was getting ready for work and really felt good about myself.  I was wearing my sister's clothes, so they were nicer then what I buy for myself.  I was all ready to go, feeling confident.  But then I stepped out of the house at the wrong time.  The neighbor lady was coming down the stairs and she was two steps in front of me.  She looked good!  Her hair was perfect, her clothes were quality, and everything went together (whereas my shoes were tennis shoes and didn't go with my nice outfit).  I immediately felt bad about myself (my looks that is).  The negative talk started in my head. A couple of days later the same thing happened again.  I felt pretty good, again wearing Kim's clothes and stepped out only to see neighbor lady at the bottom of the steps, being her pretty self. Today I came to work feeling okay about my appearance, not great but not bad.  But then at the start of the team meeting someone said, "You ...

A Story Charlie had a pet caterpillar.  He loved to watch it crawl around.  He was looking forward to seeing it transform into a beautiful butterfly.  He wondered what color it would be.  Finally the caterpillar started making his cocoon.  Charlie checked on it every day to see if the butterfly was ready to come out.  The day finally came when Charlie saw the butterfly inside start to find his way out.  Charlie could see some blue color on it's wing.  He knew it would be beautiful. As Charlie watched the butterfly, he noticed it was struggling.  He knew this was part of the development of the butterfly, but it seemed it was starting to die in it's struggle.  So Charlie decided to help it just a tiny bit.  That gave the butterfly the encouragement to continue struggling for freedom and it was able to escape the cocoon.  Charlie felt like a hero. The butterfly started walking, or crawling on the branch.  It was stretc...

Tonight is Diwali.  A few nights ago was Halloween.  I started to think about these holidays.  We don't celebrate Halloween, mostly because we are in India and there is no Halloween here.  I guess we kind of celebrate Diwali.  At least we enjoy the fireworks that others are setting off.  And we let Micah go to some friends house to light fireworks. One year we were in America during Halloween and Micah dressed up in some old stuff we had and went to two doors.  One wasn't home and one was his grandparents.  He wasn't too impressed with the whole thing. I think it is pretty obvious why we don't celebrate Diwali, because it is a Hindu festival and we are Christians.  The real part of the holiday is lighting lights around your house to invite Laxmi in to bring you good luck.  And the firecrackers are to scare of evil.  We don't want any part in inviting Laxmi into our house and I doubt evil is scared by firecrackers. The questio...

When I use to run the ladies only gym I was asked a lot of medical questions, as if I had some sort of medical training.  I would usually give them a serious look and answer the most logically that I could.  Then I would look up their questions online and answer them again the next time I saw them.  But some questions just baffled me. One lady was a newly married lady and she called me one day to ask a serious question.  It seemed her husband was unable to have children so they had a plan for her to get pregnant by another guy, a friend.  But they needed a place for this to take place.  So she was asking if they could rent a room for a day in my house.  I tried to explain that there were much better ways to go about trying to get pregnant and if they would go to a doctor then he could give them some advice.  But she said her husband was too embarrassed and they didn't want his family to find out that he had a problem.  So this was their so...

I have anxiety issues.  It usually pokes it's head out when we are in the car.  I HATE Delhi traffic.  All the cars seem really close and it feels to me like we are going to just smash into the car next to us.  Sometimes we do. This past week we went up to the mountain for some camping.  The road to get to the camp ground is windy and thin.  As you round a corner you must be sure you stay on your side of the road and really pay attention that the car/truck coming at you is also on their side of the road.  But if you want to go fast, you don't stay on your side of the road, you just go.  And there are no passing lanes.  If you want to pass (and you do want to pass every car that is ahead of you) you just do it, even if you can't see if there is a car coming.  The car you are passing is suppose to some how signal you that a car is coming.  Either the driver turns his blinker on or he puts his hand out the window.  This could a...

My newly teen son (actually he will be a teen in two days) has Facebook.  I didn't really think through the whole Facebook thing before I allowed him to sign up.  But now I realize I have to be even more vigilant/diligent to make sure it is a safe place for him. One issue that just recently came up is the issue of pictures that may not be great for him to look at.  I have noticed some young ladies posting their pictures of themselves in small bikinis.  I don't really want it to be something that could cause temptation to my son or other young men.  So what to do? Facebook is kind of like giving a photo album of yourself to all your friends.  What do you want them to see?  Your goofy pictures?  Your attractive pictures?  Your sexy pictures?  Not that last one for sure.  But what one person things is okay to show to everyone another person may not.  So here are 4 reason I found why you should not post your bikini pictures (o...

We had a very short stay in the hospital when Steve had his low platelets.  I think around 4 hours in one and one hour in the second hospital.  The first hospital had lots of people in it.  It was very busy.  I suspect there were mostly Dengue cases, but there was also a fractured leg that came in and a guy with his stomach so bloated that his belly button was sticking out.  I thought he might pop. Steve didn't like being in the hospital.  The bed was very uncomfortable and they hooked him up to an IV, which made him have to go to the toilet more then normal, which is already about every 30 minutes.  That means I had to find a nurse to come unhook him and then when he came back I had to find one to hook him back up.  There wasn't a chair for me to sit on and if I sat on the bed he said it was going to fall, so I had to stand.  I stood next to the garbage cans so each time the nurse brought some dirty gauze, I had to step aside to let them ...

Why is it so hard to admit that I am weak?  For some reason I like to try to carry a heavy load without help.  Or maybe I don't "like" it but I am too proud to ask for help.  And I hate accepting help.  I always feel like I am bothering people and I don't like that.  But really, if I let myself think about it, I am actually being selfish.  People want to help.  It makes them feel good too.  And if I don't let people help me it is taking away from their pleasure. I came close to tears twice in the last couple of days.  One time was when I was calling to order dinner and the place didn't answer.  I just couldn't think of what else to eat and I felt the knot in my throat grow that tries to block the tears from coming to my eyes.  The other time was when Steve's platelet count was low and there were no beds and he didn't want to stay in the ER.  I just couldn't make a decision.  I knew it was best for him to be at the hospi...

An epiphany is an experience of sudden or striking realization.  And I just had one.  My epiphany was about slavery.  I was reading an article on sex trafficking in America.  It was talking about Backpage.com that advertises girls for sex.  Here is the article http://www.fairobserver.com/article/sex-trafficking-america-role-online-advertisers . My epiphany was a picture of slavery.  Can you imagine a website selling black people as slaves?  That is what the modern version of slavery would be like.  There were actual markets that people were sold at.  Now it would be on Ebay or maybe even we could buy a person on Amazon and have them delivered to us.  We could bid on several at a time and watch the price go up.  Or maybe we could sell someone.  Think of what your description of that person would be like.  If you have marketing skills you could probably make them sound very appealing.  Maybe show a picture of how str...

I like to read the comments people write on newspaper articles or other articles online.  Usually the comments get off track and instead of commenting on the article, people are spewing their hatred for religion.  It doesn’t matter what the article is about, they somehow turn it to religion. Yesterday I read an article on a baby that was born at 20 weeks and lived for a few minutes and then died.  There were pictures of the baby.  The point is that many places abort babies at that same age yet to see what the baby looks like makes a person realize that this is not just a bunch of tissue like a tumor, but it is a person. One of the comments at the end of the article was a lady who shared about twins who were born really early and one died, but one lived and went on to become a pastor and do wonderful things.  The next person commented “God is good.”  That got things going!  We say “God is good!” when something goes right, but what about when things don...

Last week I felt like I had a lot to say but for some reason I couldn't get it all out.  Finally I talked with a counselor that comes to the home I work at and she listened to me.  As I reflected on my time with her, I realized that she didn't offer advice, she only listened.  She just sat there while I went on and on talking about what was going on and how I was doing.  She might have asked a question or two, but mostly I just talked.  I got to the end of all my talking and said, "Well, that's it.  I guess I will go get the next person who is going to meet with you." For several days I thought about feeling not listened to.  It really started to irritate me.  So much so that I even snapped at Steve when I was talking and he started talking and I felt I wanted to talk more.  A normal conversation has two or more people talking, but I didn't want a normal conversation.  I wanted a one sided conversation.  It wasn't Steve's fault o...

This week has been difficult.  At the home I work at there has been a lot of stress.  One girl has been especially difficult to have in the home.  She causes fights and irritates people with her behavior.  She doesn’t do what she is told to do and  is unruly.  Over the weekend she started self harming and talking about suicide.  So it was decided that the best option for her would be some serious mental evaluation at a mental hospital for children.  She said she wanted to leave the home.  She wanted to return to her village or go to another home.  She was very upset.  We got the permission we needed to take her in for observation and told her that the following day she could go.  We didn’t tell her where she would be going, but she seemed happy about it. Finally the time came for her to leave.  She put on some nice clothes and the care givers packed up her few items.  But she said she didn’t want to take anything....

Today I will be leading a session on brokenness with the girls  I work with.  I thought I would share it with you too. Show my broken mug with the handle missing.  Ask if the mug is still usable.   We could glue the handle back on and use it, but it might break again.  Would you give it to a guest to use?  What could you use it for?   Then take a hammer and pretend to break it.   Now what can we use it for?  It is just a bunch of broken pieces.  We have to be careful with the pieces because they could cut us.  We usually just throw the pieces away. We are all broken.  Some of us have  just have one big break in our  life, like the handle of the mug.  We  may still be usable like we are or easy to fix.  But there will always be a crack in us that is weaker because of the break. Brokenness usually comes from other people.  Tear up a paper doll cut out of a magazine.   Not many mugs j...

Today is India's Independence Day.  We are celebrating 67 years of freedom from British rule.  Many lives were lost in our struggle for independence.  In fact, the area we live in is called Freedom Fighters because there are graves here for those who gave their lives for freedom. Yesterday the girls at the home I work at had a celebration for Independence Day.  They sang songs, did skits, danced, and read poems.  It was a very touching celebration.  They weren't just celebrating the freedom of India, but they were celebrating another kind of freedom.  The freedom they experienced being rescued out of sex trafficking.  And it was beautiful! One of the skits they performed had a girl that was illiterate crying on the street for someone to help her.  Then someone came along to give her freedom by teaching her to read.  Another example was a 12 year old girl whose mother wanted to marry her off.  But someone came and told the mothe...

Today's newspaper made me sad as I read it.  I read an article about a gang-rape court case that the accused were released.  It made me really sad and a bit mad.  The incident happened in December.  Five law students were accused of holding a sixteen year old girl and raping her over several weeks.  She had at one point been able to identify them, but at the hearing she said she didn't recognize them, so they were released. This makes me mad because the judicial system sucks.  There should be enough evidence that the guys would be held responsible.  If they had killed her they couldn't rely on her testimony, so why if she now refuses to identify them would they let them off. I am sad because I imagine the girl and her family were threatened.  I imagine that the boys had a lot of power on their side.  And I am angry that these guys could in the future be lawyers or even judges.  They are corrupt and the system failed this girl....

We have been reading Proverbs in the morning at breakfast time.  It has been really good to read with Micah as he has started back to school.  The first few chapters talk about wisdom and understanding and how important they are to get. So I was thinking just now about the fear of the Lord and what it means.  I guess there is a sense of fear in breaking God's laws or doing something that you know is against what God says is good.  I was thinking especially of kids who leave home for college and rebel against the faith they have been taught.  Could the fear of the Lord keep them from rebelling?  For sure there is a sense of wisdom involved in that.  I mean, you want your child to grow in his faith and choose the path that is good for him, which means following Jesus.  So if your child decides that partying and sleeping around and trying to get away with cheating is an okay thing to do, then they are lacking wisdom.  The passage says that th...

At our church each week we have new people stand up and introduce themselves.  We also have people stand if it is their last Sunday with us.  One guy who was visiting stood for both the comings and goings since he was just there a week.  I thought that was pretty funny. Yesterday we had quite a few new people.  Each year at this time we have people moving to Delhi to either work in the schools or the embassies.  There was only one lady who stood to say it was her last week.  She was returning to Denmark or somewhere.  The pastor said, "We aren't going to let you go."  Then he prayed for her. As the pastor prayed I started thinking about saying good-bye.  It reminded me of death (which I probably think too much about).  I was thinking about saying good-bye to someone when they are dying.  How the person will be going to a better place (if they are Christians) and how they are happy and ready for the homecoming.  Sure they w...

I think way too much about trafficking.  I guess it is a hazard of my job.  So when I went for the foot massage course last week I started thinking about how easy it would be to trap someone and traffic them. My friend and I signed up for the course online.  We were sent an email to meet at a specific place and we would be picked up by a driver.  A lady showed up on a scooter to pick us up.  But she could only take us one at a time.  So I sent my friend first (brave of me).  Then I started thinking as I sat and waited.  "What if she is trafficking Sarah?"  "I don't know where she took her."  "We should have gone my tuk-tuk and just followed her on her scooter."  The massage lady came back for me and I got on, trusting that she wasn't going to sell me too. On my ride to the massage course the lady stopped at a 7-11.  I thought, "She could be in there buying drugs to drug me."  She came back out and we drove on down sma...

Today I went with a friend to be trained in giving Thai foot massages.  It was actually pretty simple.  So we went to this lady's house where she would first show us what to do on one foot of each of us, then we got to practice on the other foot.  We also got a nice little book with pictures to remind us of what to do.  So now I am ready to give massages to people.  It can be my fall-back plan.  If I am ever jobless I can go around offering foot massages.

I'm sure hummus is easy to make.  I think you just grind up some beans and add garlic, lemon juice, and maybe some salt and pepper.  Something like that.    Jen, whom I am visiting right now, made some yesterday for dinner.  I should have watched her make it.  But I get to enjoy the end product.  We had it for dinner with other greek food and now I am having lunch of toasted french roll, hummus, tomato, and a cucumber.  Oh the joy of having friends that enjoy cooking!

We flew to Thailand last night with a plane full of Indians.  It is not surprising to be on a plane full of Indians when you leave from India.  And it is probably 90% men usually.  It seems like many of those people on the plane feel like college students going on a Spring Break trip.  They are loud, having fun, and drinking. I got irritated with the people around me.  This also happens after being in India for six months.  I am usually at my cultural stress breaking point.  The three men in front of me where probably brothers in their 50's.  They are all quite large.  Most likely they had a bit too much to drink.  So when we were around an hour from landing they wanted more food, but the food service was closed.  So they were giving the flight attendant a hard time and pushing the call button over and over again and asking for food.  Then they said they would have water.  But when the flight attendant brought the water...

Last week we were on a spiritual retreat with a group of people up in the mountain.  We were surrounded by lakes.  Beautiful! During communion one day a friend sang the song, "How Beautiful" which says,   How beautiful the hands that served The wine and the bread and the sons of the earth How beautiful the feet that walked The long dusty roads and the hill to the cross How beautiful, how beautiful How beautiful is the body of Christ How beautiful the heart that bled That took all my sin and bore it instead How beautiful the tender eyes That chose to forgive and never despise How beautiful, how beautiful How beautiful is the body of Christ   I was thinking about the dead body of Jesus and how the ladies came to put spices on his body.  Even though it was broken and bruised and bloody, it was still beautiful. While we were at this retreat, a guy drowned in one of the lakes.  He was there with two buddies and they were drinking.  He...

Today during the devotion time at work we looked at the story of when the Ark of God was being brought back to Israel.  1 Chron. 13.  And if you remember, the bulls stumbled and a man put his hand out to steady the Ark and God got angry and killed him.  We looked back at the instructions that God gave regarding the handling of the Ark and saw that God specifically stated that if someone touched the Ark they would be killed.  Even if they looked at it they would die.  So really, it shouldn't be too surprising that this happened, just as God warned.  But in our minds we see it as such a small act.  And act done with completely good intentions. I started to think about the whole gay marriage thing going on in America right now.  There are many Christians who strongly feel that gays should be allowed to get married.  They feel that God wants us to love and accept all people (I feel that way too) and by not allowing them to get married we are j...

I can't sit down without my rear end paining.  I can't stand up without my legs hurting.  I can't lay down because my stomach is aching.  Yes, I have made it again to Day 3 of P90X.  Since this is my second time, or maybe third, of doing the P90X routine I shouldn't be surprised.  But I am only doing half of the workouts so I thought it wouldn't be as bad.  I was wrong.  Stairs are the worst and I have three flights to get to the office and a flight at home. And the worst part about Day 3 of P90X is that I don't see any results yet.  I just walk like an old lady which makes me feel like I am really out of shape.  Good ego boost.  I know I can do it because I've done it before.  But I also remember the first week and how I had to crawl up stairs.  And I am two or three years older now, so maybe it will take longer to get over the pain and longer to see the gain.    Oh well.  It gives me something besides t...

I just finished reading this book, The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog , and loved it.  I found it quite fascinating and informative.  So I thought I would write a quick book report for those of you who don't want to buy a book but are interested in how trauma affects young children and the hope for recovery. This book has true stories that the write and psychiatrist has dealt with.  It is a study about children who have experienced severe trauma in their lives, in the form of neglect or abuse, and the brain development.  Several cases are of babies who are neglected by their parents or care givers.  Either children in orphanages or by parents who didn't realize it was abusive.  There was a couple babies who were left all alone when they were babies over and over again.  Because of this trauma or neglect in their life, their brains didn't get to develop the part that learns attachment.  So these kids grew up without being able to form attachments...

I cooked last night! I wanted to use some of the wonderful Tillamook Cheese that friends brought us, so I made noodles and cheese sauce.  But I also thought that maybe it would be good to have some vegetables.  Thankfully we had some in the fridge that were for the rabbits we were watching but were no longer at our house.  We had carrots and okra.  The rabbits didn't like the okra.  I like okra.  I decided to try to stir fry it up like our friend Hiroko does.  Here is what happened. I cut up the carrots and okra into nice pieces. Then I heated up the skillet with olive oil and dumped in the vegetables.  I stirred them around. I have this great sauce I bought in Thailand, but I don't know exactly what it is.  I added that. Some friends were staying with us a few weeks ago and left some parmesan cheese sprinkles that are pretty good, so I added that too. Ate it up!  And it was quite tasty too.

Two days ago we ordered pizza for dinner.  It is probably a weekly occurrence.  I like to order online so I don't have to chance getting a person who can't understand me on the phone. Steve answered the door when the pizza arrived.  The pizza man pointed to a lady laying on the ground at the base of the stairs outside our apartment.  She had fallen.  Steve said to me, "Someone has fallen!"  My first thought was that someone fell down the air shaft or the empty elevator shaft.  But as I walked out I saw the lady, face down, with her feet still on the stairs.  She wasn't moving and we didn't know how long she had been there. The neighbors also came to their door since the pizza man rang their bell first.  So we all rushed out to check on this lady.  The poor pizza man was shocked also.  He didn't know what to do with the pizzas in his arms.  No one was offering to take them and hand him the money because we were too busy try...

As I hear the stories of different girls that have been abused, I am shocked that so many try to get away only to find themselves in a new abusive situation.  This is called Revictimization.  I didn't know that it is common with victims of sexual abuse.  It is almost as if a victim has a sign on them that says "abuse me" and they can't get it off.  One of our goals is to help our girls be safe from being retrafficked or reabused. Not all victims are vulnerable.  Some become distrusting of everyone.  But one report stated that two-thirds of victims of incest experience rape later in their lives.  TWO -THIRDS!  This brings tears to my eyes.  These poor children who are abused by a family member, a person who should be showing them love, is then victimized again.  I did a very short study on why this happens by looking it up on the internet.  Some of the reasons make sense.  Sadly, one effect of trauma is that a person will h...

I was just sitting here thinking (I wonder how many of my posts start with that sentence) about tacos and potlucks.  Then as my mind kept thinking, I came up with the taco potluck idea.  It is a great twist on the old favorite, potlucks. The church (since churches are the only ones I know who have potlucks) can provide the venue for this event.  Maybe on May the 5th.  You could have an online list that people can sign up with if they want to, to make sure you have the basics covered.  Tortilla chips guacamole sour cream beans cheese onions tomatoes meat lettuce scrambled eggs sausage tortilla shells salsa rice surprise me Then you just invite everyone to come.  Simple, dimple.  Go ahead and try it.

I made a Pintrest page last week so that I could keep track of the craft ideas I have to do with Micah.  One of the great ideas I found (on a friend's page) was these adorable little owls. http://pinterest.com/pin/384846730628150324/ So Micah and I set out to make them.  I had Micah draw the pattern since he is good with drawing things.  Then I found an old kurta (shirt) to cut up.  I got some white and black felt and pulled at the sewing machine.  We were set.  It didn't take long and Micah did a great job of stitching on the black of the eyes by himself.

I read a lot of news articles on trafficking and rape from around the world.  Today I was reading one about a girl here in Delhi who ran away from home because she was being raped by her father.  She ran away with the help of a neighbor boy who is around 17.  What makes me mad, and I think is stupid, are the comments people make about the article.  I don't know why I read them because they are always filled with idiots making comments.  But many of the comments say that the girl was probably running off with the boy and having sex with him and that she should be punished. WHAT????? So many people assume that the girl is guilty and that she is lying, without knowing anything about her.  This is what is wrong with this country.  People are quick to blame the girl.  They assume the girl has done something wrong.

"I've only done this vice-squad job for three years. I've been a cop for 29. If you had told me three years ago that a 14-year-old girl would go to a food court, meet a guy, and three hours later be selling herself, I'd a said, no frigging way. It happens every single day, every day."  This was a quote I read today in this article  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dan-rather/pornland-oregon-child-pro_b_580035.html As I read about trafficking and prostitution I feel so sad.  Why are these young girls falling for these tricks?  But it all comes down to wanting to be loved (in my opinion).  Then I think of the girls we have in our aftercare home and see the same thing happening with them.  This deep desire to be loved.  So when someone shows you attention, you are drawn to them.  They are the band-aid on your wound. Malls seem to be a pick-up place for a lot of girls in America.  I wonder if there needs to be more awareness done in ...

Yes, it is time for me to complain about being hot.  I am sitting in an air conditioned room and still sweating.  Is this menopause? Yesterday I and a friend braved the heat to go shopping.  Wow!  Even though it was after 6PM the heat was still baking.  We felt hot wind blow on our faces as we pushed our way through the crowd of sweaty people, trying to find a few bracelets and maybe a t-shirt or two.  We were probably only out for an hour, but by the end I felt the need for an ice bath. The heat is way over my comfort level.  I lay around at home under the ceiling fan.  I have no energy, no appetite, no desire to do anything.  I know that the other millions of people are suffering along with me, but they seem to do it less dramatically.  I need to figure out how to thrive in this heat. I looked up online to find things to do in really hot weather.  All the ideas were outside activities.  Stupid.  Who wants to try t...

This morning, Steve and I were talking about the little puppy that has been down stairs at our apartment building.  He is always so happy to see us.   He wags his little tail and comes to smell your toes.  So cheery for a street dog that has nothing.  But this morning he wasn't in his usual spot at the bottom of the stairs.  I looked for him but he wasn't there.  Then I walked out the gate and saw that the sweet little puppy got ran over right in front of our apartment.  There he was. Dead.

The heading on a news article this week cracked me up, "Gassy Uranus has Violent Winds".  I'm thinking about bring it up in a few conversations.  "Hey, did you hear Uranus has violent winds?" Anyway, today on the way to church we stopped to get gas.  That is my segue into the story of our car breaking down.  We stopped to get gas and Steve asked them to fill the coolant also.  For some strange reason, unknown to me, here in India, women work at gas stations.  They usually don't work in restaurants as waitresses, but they work as gas pump attendants.  So the ladies were filling our gas and Steve opened the hood only to discover that the pipe of the radiator had a big, gaping hole in it. The car wouldn't start after the discovery so the ladies had Steve get back in the car and they pushed us to a parking spot.  Again I thought, "Why women?"  Steve asked them to call a mechanic.  I went inside the mini mart that this gas station thankf...

I have been trying to go without shampoo for around 10 days now.  I think I actually caved twice during that time and used shampoo.  My biggest issue is itchy scalp.  I have had an itchy scalp for as long as I can remember (42 years maybe).  Steve thinks I should go to a dermatologist but I will probably not get around to that unless I happen to be walking past an office of one while I am out and about one day.  So instead I go to my own doctor, the internet.  The pooless recipe is baking soda.  And the anti-itchy scalp remedy is also baking soda.  For pooless you use it mixed with a lot of water, but for anti-itch you use it like a past.  So I tried that this morning.  I have gone several hours without itching, which is pretty good I think.  But now that I started thinking about my scalp I feel the urge to scratch.  So the next remedy is yogurt on my head for 30 minutes.  My problem is not knowing where to sit while I ...

I haven't been following the Dr. Gosnell case much, but I see today that he was found guilty of murder.  What he did in his clinic is horrible and sick.  And not just him.  All his staff who participated in these horrific killings are guilty.  But I also think that the mothers of these children are equally guilty.  Yet no one seems to be talking about the women who paid someone to kill their child.  Isn't it ironic that a lady can go to a "doctor" and pay him to abort a baby that could live outside the womb and she isn't held responsible, yet if she were to be the one to give birth and then slice the baby's throat in a hospital (or anywhere else) that she would be held guilty of murder?  When does her "right" become murder?  After natural delivery only? I am reminded again of my previous post about the baby who was found on a footpath beheaded here in Delhi.  I bet the person who did that to the baby would be called a murderer.  How d...

I don't quite know what I should do for my therapy sessions in dealing with trauma, but for starters I will blog about it.  I don't have normal trauma.  My trauma comes from being empathetic to others.  Or from letting my thoughts go wild. The other day I was just reading the newspaper when I experience a traumatic event.  Just reading the newspaper!  There are always little squares of Missing Person or Seeking Identification that I for some reason read.  Sometimes I read them because I find it comical how few details they have about a person or how they describe someone.  But that day I saw a disturbing picture.  It was a picture of a dead body that they were looking for identification.  The thing is it was a newborn baby and the head was missing.  There is no way to identify it because I am sure the mother just left it on a pathway after giving birth.  But to see that poor baby all sprawled out naked and thinking about the valu...

I read this morning about a boy who has a skin disease so he is growing his hair long to help cover some of the bald spots.  He is not allowed in his school because of the hair length rule.  http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/05/05/pennsylvania-boy-with-skin-disease-sent-home-from-school-over-haircut/ Yesterday there was a news report about a boy whose team one the State Championship but they were disqualified because the boy raised his finger to God in thanks.  The rule is that you can't celebrate your win (or something like that). http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2319303/High-school-track-team-disqualified-state-championships-religious-hand-gesture.html And how many stories have we heard now about guns being made out of pop tarts or sticks or paper and the kid getting suspended.  I understand that there needs to be guidelines and all, but really, it seems that some situations are not black and white.  When there are stupid rules it only creates rebel...

I have been taking anti-anxiety medicine for around 8 years now I think.  I guess I have an issue with anxiety.  Well lately it seems the medicine has stopped working or else my anxiety has increased beyond what the medicine helps.  So I have been trying to figure out how to help get things under control.  Not being in control tends to make me anxious, so if I can get control of my anxiety I am sure it will help me not be anxious. One thing I have done is to read scripture about anxiety or worry.  That hasn't been a huge help, although it does give me something to think about when I get anxious and it slowly can turn my mind away from whatever is causing me worry at the moment. Another trick is to go to my "happy place".  Sometimes that is a nice outdoor scene with a stream or a waterfall. I am also following a therapist online that gives me emails with some suggestions.  This week it was to list out everything that I feel anxious about and then...

I have nothing to do today so I am looking online a bunch.  I read that Obama went to a Planned Parenthood gathering and praised them for their great work and promised that they would continue to receive our tax funding.  That makes me sick!  My tax dollars don't go to that, but it is sick that everyone is required to help out on the murder of children.  My money goes to pay for the travel of my friends who work here in India at the Embassy or for the government.  At least that is what I like to think.  My money does not go toward murder.  And that is what abortion is.  Then I read about how many rapes have happened in Delhi.  So far, there have been about 400 this year.  We will break the yearly records for sure.  This will go down as the year of the most rapes in the capital.  This week was the little 5 year old girl who was raped and tortured and left for dead, but who is now fighting for her life in a hospital. Because...

Yesterday I was sick with what we call here, loose motions.  Not sure what it came from since we all ate the same thing the night before.  I woke with a slight tummy ache and it started easing down to the bowel area.  And then my bowels became liquid fire.  Not sure how that happens.  How is it that your bowel are solid but somehow they become liquid.  Weird. In our family, when someone is sick, they have to be far away from the other members.  We don't want others getting sick.  Sometimes Steve forgets and he tries to kiss me.  I know that subconsciously he wants to get sick so he can get babied.  We make the sick person sleep in the garage on a cot instead of in the bed.  I mean, who wants to wash all the sheets just because of some germs.  So the person has to sleep out in the garage to keep the germs away from everyone else.  And we put a baby monitor out there so if they need something, the person inside can help t...

Have you ever wondered what your ears look like?  It is hard to get a good look at them.  And never side by side.  I could take a picture I suppose.  But my mind wonders to other ears before I get around to it. Like the ear on the mouse.   This is weird.  I remember reading about this ear that has been grown on this mouse so that it can be transplanted onto some guy who has lost his ear.  I wonder how the mouse feels about this.  His friends probably picked on him for his big ear.  I know kids do that to each other.  And I wonder if he ever felt like nibbling it off.  Mice do weird things sometimes. And when they removed the ear, what happened to the mouse.  He suddenly couldn't hear very well.  He was use to having super hearing and never had to worry about a cat sneaking up on him.  But now he had to rely on his little ears.  And where did they get the extra mouse skin to do a skin graft on his bac...

I am impatient.  I don't like to rely on others (or wait on others).  I was reminded of this character flaw this morning.  The plan was to go meet a friend at Dilli Haat at 11AM.  Steve would drive me an another friend to the Metro at 10:30AM on his way to the airport.  But as we got closer to 10:30 he said that he would probably go later and I should just take the shared auto to the Metro station.  So I called my friend to say that we should go.  But she wasn't ready to go.  She had to wait for her husband to get home.  So I called the friend we were going to meet and told her we would be late.  No problem.  I sat and played Sudoku. As I played Sudoku I pondered my impatience.  I don't like relying on others.   When I have a schedule to keep, even if it is not important, I like to be on time.  I would prefer to go by myself.  Like even just getting a ride to the Metro station is a lesson in patience for me...

I am not a team player.  At least that is what one of my job performance reviewers said.  I guess it is true.  I can be a team player at times, but really I work better alone.  Is it a negative quality?  I felt like the reviewer thought it was.  But don't we need people who can work well alone?  I am a great team of one player! Today I was thinking again about not working well as a team.  Our office just got painted and today we had to clean it.  What a mess.  So several of us started cleaning.  But I soon realized that I don't do well with a group of people trying to clean, each their own way.  I cleaned a table off and 10 minutes later one of the other team people cleaned it.  And now, 5 hours later, it is dirty again.  Because after two of us washed the table there was more work going on and things were piled on the table.  So again it became dusty. If I was working alone on this particular task I think I cou...

I hate it!  Every time I come home from having been out in traffic I say, "I never want to go out again!!!!!"  This week I have been out three times.  Each time is just as bad as the one before it.  And each time I have told myself to stop going out.  Just stay at home with my safe pillows and chai always ready to be made.  No stress.  Well actually the only stress at home is trying to get Micah to do his homework.  But I will take that any day if I don't have to go out on the streets. People don't drive according to rules.  I'm a rule follower.  I like people to drive in their lanes.  Especially my husband.  I like people to go on the correct side of the street.  I like there to be at least two inches between cars (more really).  I like cars to turn left from the left lane and right from the right lane.  I don't like facing buses head on.  I don't like all the honking. Delhi has all the things about tr...

No, not me. When people are pregnant there are lots of dos and don'ts.  And when you go to another country, their dos and don'ts are different then your do's and don'ts.  It makes you think about yours and wonder if there is any logic to them. For instance, in America pregnant women are warned not to sit in hot tubs.  I guess the heat isn't good for the baby.  Or maybe there is some other reason.  But in Japan women sit in hot water all the time.  They don't seem to boil their babies.  So which is it?  Should pregnant women sit in hot water or not? Here in India I have heard several weird (to me) beliefs.  One is that women should eat a lot of butter or ghee the last month of their pregnancy.  It somehow makes the baby come out easily.  One lady told me that when the first pains start you should drink chai with ghee in it.  And drink it hot.  She has never heard of a lady needing a c-section with this method. In A...

I am not a pastor.  Nor am I a man.  So I don't know if a pastor would struggle with this, but I will say it anyway.  I think women need to dress better, meaning cover up more, for church. I imagine that a pastor looking out over his flock may at times notice a woman.  Maybe she is wearing a low cut blouse and that catches his attention.  I don't want my pastor to struggle with this.  I want to protect him.  At least at church, where we are being taught God's word, we should be respectful in the way we dress. So women, listen up, and cover up!

Sometimes it seems there is a period of death.  I had a day like that on Monday.  We got the unexpected news that a friend had been found dead.  He was bipolar and had struggled for many years with his illness.  Recently his wife miscarried their first baby and then they were filing for divorce.  He also had stopped taking his medicine and had lost his job.  He ended his life on Valentines Day. Mental illness is such a horrible illness.  At times our friend was doing so well.  Life was great and he was hopeful.  But then as it is with bipolar, things turned.  How many times he went through that cycle. Then after we found this out about our friend, I read our emails and read another story of death.  A lady I met recently had just finalized an adoption of a girl they had been parenting for 6 years.  Her husband was away in America looking for work as she was here waiting for the adoption to finalize.  He decided to come...