Award Ceremony

Today was graduation and the awards ceremony at school.  These always take me back to my grade school years and sitting through award ceremonies.  I remember sitting there wondering/hoping that my name would be called next.  Now don't get me wrong, I got some awards during many of the ceremonies.  But it is that feeling of wanting to be noticed for being good at something that makes me cringe.

Awards are great!  And the students who get them really deserve them.  They are getting good grades or are being outstanding at something.  They really do deserve recognition.  I just feel bad for all the others who are pretty good, but not the best at something.  Most people aren't the best.  And some people are the best at several things academically.

This year Micah didn't get an award.  But what the awards ceremony failed to recognize is how great Micah is.  He isn't the top grade earner in any of his classes (although if he wanted to be he could because he is a smarty pants).  However, he is amazing at many other things.  He is great in acting, which he has been awarded for in the past.  He is great at his comics, even though he isn't that interested in them anymore.  He is very creative.  He has a great sense of humor.  He is sensitive to those who are hurting.  He is great at sports.  He has a heart that desires to please God.  He is disciplined.  He is determined.  He is a great writer.  He has a great memory.  And he is kind.

I may be biased, but I think Micah is the best!

If Words Could Kill

The little kids saying goes, "Sticks and stones can break my bones but names will never hurt me."  FALSE!  I think everyone knows that isn't true.

Recently I was verbally attacked.  It was disguised in the form of care, but was clearly just a front to hurt me without looking bad himself.  I've seen the same person do it to other people so it shouldn't have come as such a surprise when it happened to me, but it did, it caught me off guard.  The things that were said were an assault on my life, my work, and my being.  And worse yet is that those around me just watched it happen without having the courage to defend me.  So the wounding seared into my soul.

Like a physical injury, these lacerations by words will leave a scar.  It is something I will most likely carry with me for the rest of my life, until I get Alzheimer's.  My pockmark will be the reminder to be careful with my words for they can bring life or death.

Earthquake!

We have cracks in our walls.  They were there before the Nepal earthquake but now I notice them daily.  I've marked the wall where the crack stops to see if it is growing.  It isn't.

I felt the earthquake during the last one.  I was laying in bed, having a pity party, and felt shaking.  I yelled out to my mom, "Are we having an earthquake?"  She checked outside and said, "No."  I had gotten up to look at a fan that wasn't already moving and couldn't tell, so I assumed it was just me.  I laid back down and still felt the shaking which to me confirmed that it was just me.  But it wasn't.  It was just a really long earthquake.

I've wondered out Delhi would fare in an earthquake the size of the one that hit Nepal.  It's best not to think about it actually.  There isn't anything I could really do about it.

I've gone through a big earthquake in my life.  The walls crumbled around me.  The shaking seemed to last an eternity.  Precious belongings were destroyed.  There was death and destruction all around.  My only goal was survival.  But my foundation was solid and I will rebuild.  My new life will be stronger.  I will have learned valuable lessons from going through the big one.

Faith is a sure foundation.

Death of a Dream

If you have been reading my blog recently, you will realize that I am going through a difficult time. So my blogging is my therapy.

I recently realized that I have experienced a death of a dream.  A 30 year dream has died.  It was killed a few months ago but I didn't know it.  Like a child that is missing and you fear the worst but hope for the best, I was living in denial.  Finally it has hit me that the dream is gone and I need to grieve and bury what I have left of it.  So I let my tears flow.  I feel angry that it happened to my dream.  I yell, "THIS ISN"T FAIR!"  And then I remember.  I remember the good times.  I remember funny things that happened while I was living the dream.  And I have hope.  I'm hopeful there is a purpose in all of this.  Hopeful that I was faithful in the time I had with the dream.  And hopeful that there can be new dreams.  There will always be a place in me that misses this dream and it won't always bring tears when I think about it, but for now I grieve.

Haters Gonna Hate

I have a bad habit of reading comments to news articles online.  The things I have noticed is they are either a sounding board for politics and usually someone saying something about how it is all Obama's fault, or it bashes Christian beliefs.  Today's was the Christian's turn.  The article was about the Nigerian girls that were recently freed from Boko Haram.  In the comment section someone said, "I am praying for these girls."  The reaction was telling that person that prayer does nothing and that they should actually do something about it.  Then lots of people joined in and discussed prayer and it not being helpful.

The hatred of Christians is reaching epic proportion.  Haters gonna hate, prayers gonna pray.

Lessons with Robert Downy Jr.

Yesterday I stumbled upon the awkward interview that Robert Downey Jr. had with a British news reporter.  The interview was suppose to be about a recent movie he is in, but the news reporter turned the questions to focus on Robert's struggles with addiction.  Finally Robert just stood up and said, "good-bye."

In an interview with someone else, this awkward interview was discussed.  What Robert said is that he only regrets he didn't walk out sooner.  He said he has struggled with boundaries his whole life and was disappointed that again he let someone cross a boundary line.

I can relate, as I am sure many people can.  I sit still when my insides are telling me to move and I end up regretting my inaction because I experience unnecessary pain.  Anyone watching the first interview can clearly see Robert's pain buttons being pushed and it was beginning to surface.  He was fidgeting, looking around for help, and confused as to what was happening.  His eyes were even moist.  I wondered why the reporter was continuing when there was obvious discomfort.

Then I thought of myself.  I remembered a time when I walked out.  I kicked myself for not walking out sooner.  My boundaries were being crossed and I was trying to stop it politely, but it wasn't stopping.  I was experiencing pain and it should have been obvious.  Nothing good came from me sitting there longer.

Like Robert Downey Jr. learned, I am learning, it is okay to walk out.  And the person I am with can't always see my discomfort or knows to stop what they are doing, so don't rely on them.  It is up to me to listen to my heart and protect my boundaries.  The warning signs are there for a purpose.

For more on Boundaries read this book  Boundaries by Henry Cloud