Lately I have had a hard time getting dressed in the morning. I put something on and take it off again because it is stupid. Either it is too tight (which doesn't make sense because I haven't gained weight) or it is too big (because they are second hand).
A friend moved away a few months ago and left some clothes with me. I'm not sure if they were intended for me or for Courage Homes (our NGO for girls), but I kept them and have been wearing them. My friend is taller than I am so her clothes are all too long for me. And for some reason, she had a lot of v-neck shirts which go too far down my neck. So I don't feel comfortable in most of her clothes. But I have kept them because I was desperate for new clothes this summer and wouldn't dream of going shopping in the crazy heat.
So yesterday when I was trying to find something to wear, I ended up with a pile of clothes to give to Courage Homes. Nice shirts that are now too tight for me. And I have some clothes for the Thrift Store at the Embassy, the ones that were too big for me. And I have some clothes left in my closet that I will wear but will not like.
I have very few clothes to choose from now. Most are several years old and have stains. All of them need ironing. Even my t-shirts are getting too old to wear. I think I need another friend to move away.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Britney
Here is my first attempt at a short story.
Once upon a time, there was a couple who were going to have a baby. They went to the doctor to find out what they would be having. The doctor looked at the ultrasound and told them that he was pretty sure that they were having a baby girl.
The man and his wife went home, rejoicing at the fact that they were going to have a daughter. They sat together and talked for hours about their little girl. They made plans for her room, what it would look like. And they came up with a name, Britney.
The wife started making a baby quilt for Britney. It was so sweet. The quilt was all the letters of her name in different pink fabrics. And they painted a mural on the wall of a little girl on a tree swing, smiling so big. The room was perfect.
The husband and wife talked to Britney all the time. They sang sweet songs to her. Britney became part of their lives before she was even born. Britney knew their voices and kicked or moved when they talked to her through her mom’s belly.
Finally the day came for the baby to be born. The husband and wife were so ready to see their baby daughter. They had her first outfit ready for her to wear. In fact, they had her first outfits for her first week. All pink and soft little clothes for their daughter to wear.
Britney was born at 4AM like all good little children are. They like to come in the middle of the night so that their parents can start out their parenting job exhausted. But something was wrong. Britney was healthy, but she was a boy. A strong and healthy little boy.
This little boy was a surprise for his parents. They were in shock to hear that they had a son. And they were overcome with emotion. But the emotion wasn’t joy, like you would imagine at the birth of a baby. It was sorrow. For they had planned the next 20 years of their life with Britney. Now they had a son and didn’t know what to do.
They took that little boy home from the hospital. He cried and pooped like all babies do. His parents were tired, like all new parents are. After a few days they gave him a name. Brett. Brett’s mom still gave him the baby quilt with the name Britney on it. He still wore the pink clothes. And his room was still decorated for a girl.
Brett’s parents were sad and a little angry that they didn’t get their daughter. They didn’t feel a love for Brett. In fact, they felt like he was the reason that their dreams were shattered. He made them mad. He cried all the time. They couldn’t seem to make him happy. But part of them didn’t care. He didn’t make them happy either.
When Brett was a few weeks old, he got sick. It wasn’t a big sickness, so his parents didn’t take him to the doctor. Brett got sicker and sicker, but still his parents didn’t take him to see the doctor. He was just more of a problem to them. They actually felt that if he was gone, they could get the daughter, and the life, that they wanted.
Eventually Brett did die. Mostly he died from a broken heart. He was unloved. All he desired was for his parents to love him. But they didn’t because they wanted their daughter. Even as they buried him, they somehow felt relief as they said good-bye to this little life that wasn’t what they wanted.
*** This is a story, only a story. But it represents the stories of hundreds of babies who are unloved by their parents here in India. Mostly the babies that are unwanted are girls. Girls are seen as a burden because you have to pay so much for their education and then their marriage and you get nothing in return.
Once upon a time, there was a couple who were going to have a baby. They went to the doctor to find out what they would be having. The doctor looked at the ultrasound and told them that he was pretty sure that they were having a baby girl.
The man and his wife went home, rejoicing at the fact that they were going to have a daughter. They sat together and talked for hours about their little girl. They made plans for her room, what it would look like. And they came up with a name, Britney.
The wife started making a baby quilt for Britney. It was so sweet. The quilt was all the letters of her name in different pink fabrics. And they painted a mural on the wall of a little girl on a tree swing, smiling so big. The room was perfect.
The husband and wife talked to Britney all the time. They sang sweet songs to her. Britney became part of their lives before she was even born. Britney knew their voices and kicked or moved when they talked to her through her mom’s belly.
Finally the day came for the baby to be born. The husband and wife were so ready to see their baby daughter. They had her first outfit ready for her to wear. In fact, they had her first outfits for her first week. All pink and soft little clothes for their daughter to wear.
Britney was born at 4AM like all good little children are. They like to come in the middle of the night so that their parents can start out their parenting job exhausted. But something was wrong. Britney was healthy, but she was a boy. A strong and healthy little boy.
This little boy was a surprise for his parents. They were in shock to hear that they had a son. And they were overcome with emotion. But the emotion wasn’t joy, like you would imagine at the birth of a baby. It was sorrow. For they had planned the next 20 years of their life with Britney. Now they had a son and didn’t know what to do.
They took that little boy home from the hospital. He cried and pooped like all babies do. His parents were tired, like all new parents are. After a few days they gave him a name. Brett. Brett’s mom still gave him the baby quilt with the name Britney on it. He still wore the pink clothes. And his room was still decorated for a girl.
Brett’s parents were sad and a little angry that they didn’t get their daughter. They didn’t feel a love for Brett. In fact, they felt like he was the reason that their dreams were shattered. He made them mad. He cried all the time. They couldn’t seem to make him happy. But part of them didn’t care. He didn’t make them happy either.
When Brett was a few weeks old, he got sick. It wasn’t a big sickness, so his parents didn’t take him to the doctor. Brett got sicker and sicker, but still his parents didn’t take him to see the doctor. He was just more of a problem to them. They actually felt that if he was gone, they could get the daughter, and the life, that they wanted.
Eventually Brett did die. Mostly he died from a broken heart. He was unloved. All he desired was for his parents to love him. But they didn’t because they wanted their daughter. Even as they buried him, they somehow felt relief as they said good-bye to this little life that wasn’t what they wanted.
*** This is a story, only a story. But it represents the stories of hundreds of babies who are unloved by their parents here in India. Mostly the babies that are unwanted are girls. Girls are seen as a burden because you have to pay so much for their education and then their marriage and you get nothing in return.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
The Experience
I have been reading the old book, The Practice of Christ's Presence, by W. Y. Fullerton. One chapter has really been interesting to me. That is the one called The Experience. He takes the 23rd Psalm and looks at it as if it is one day with Jesus. So since I liked it so much, I thought maybe someone else might get something out of it too.
"The Lord is my shepherd" He cares for us. He knows us. Jesus found us and became our shepherd. In the book of Ezekiel it talks of the Lord God who searches for his sheep and seek them out. He will deliver them out of all the places where they have been scattered. He will feed them in a good pasture. And He will cause them to lie down.
First there is the waking consciousness of the day. Before we wipe the sleep from our eyes, we can prepare ourselves for the day ahead by saying "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." Waking up with the assurance of His constant care.
The morning feast. He calls his sheep out of the fold and into the green pastures. We can begin our day in calm. Every day we may be refreshed before the busyness starts, if we follow the Lord and lay down in the green pasture he leads us to. The shepherd has led us close to it the night before so that it is easy for us to get to it in the morning. We eat and our satisfied, so we can rest.
Noontide Refreshing. So we go out to do the duties of the day. "He leads me beside still waters". The shepherd has fixed this journey for us and knew there was a quiet stream for us. The waters never lack for He himself is the great fountain of life.
Then there is the Midday Pause. "He restoreth my soul". We need to know the blessing of pause in our daily life. Our strength is naturally weakening and we must wait to have it renewed. During the day, take a break and come to Jesus to be restored. Then we have strength for the rest of the day.
Afternoon Progress. "He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness" We have to climb hills and go along our busy way. But our shepherd has taken the difficult task of leading. He is before us, making sure the way is safe for us. He goes before and I follow. We are not responsible for choosing the way. We are responsible for following and for obeying.
The Evening Danger. We must go into the valley of the shadow of death. Remember that it is only death's shadow. We follow the shepherd through the valley. He doesn't take us through at noontime because it would be too hot. He doesn't take us through at night time because it would be too dangerous. But we pass through with the shepherd, boldly. Our enemies are around us, yet we don't have to run. We stay close to the shepherd and he protects us. This is the time that we draw closest to the Lord himself. "Thou art with me"
The Sunset Grace. We have gone through the hard day and he leads us now to a table he has prepared for us. He knew that the green patch was there and he led us to it. It is necessary to go through the valley of the shadow of death to get to the feast.
Twilight Healing. "Thou anointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over." The shepherd stands at the gate with a great pitcher of water and some oil. The sheep are weary and wounded. The Lord pours his healing oil on the sheep and lets us drink all we need. Never evade the shepherd at nightfall. Come near to Him and you will find he has what we need.
The Night Assurance. All day long I have been thinking that I have been following, but now, in review of the day, I find that I have been followed. "Surely goodness and mercy will follow me." The shepherd again has provided for all that we need. And because I see that they have followed me today, I know that they will follow me tomorrow.
Sleeping Resolve. "I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." At night we have resolve that we will dwell in the house of the Lord forever, never desiring any other. And if we end the night light that, we will begin the next morning acknowledging that the Lord is my Shepherd.
This are not my thoughts but they are all from the book. My thoughts are that I hope I can experience this daily in my life.
"The Lord is my shepherd" He cares for us. He knows us. Jesus found us and became our shepherd. In the book of Ezekiel it talks of the Lord God who searches for his sheep and seek them out. He will deliver them out of all the places where they have been scattered. He will feed them in a good pasture. And He will cause them to lie down.
First there is the waking consciousness of the day. Before we wipe the sleep from our eyes, we can prepare ourselves for the day ahead by saying "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want." Waking up with the assurance of His constant care.
The morning feast. He calls his sheep out of the fold and into the green pastures. We can begin our day in calm. Every day we may be refreshed before the busyness starts, if we follow the Lord and lay down in the green pasture he leads us to. The shepherd has led us close to it the night before so that it is easy for us to get to it in the morning. We eat and our satisfied, so we can rest.
Noontide Refreshing. So we go out to do the duties of the day. "He leads me beside still waters". The shepherd has fixed this journey for us and knew there was a quiet stream for us. The waters never lack for He himself is the great fountain of life.
Then there is the Midday Pause. "He restoreth my soul". We need to know the blessing of pause in our daily life. Our strength is naturally weakening and we must wait to have it renewed. During the day, take a break and come to Jesus to be restored. Then we have strength for the rest of the day.
Afternoon Progress. "He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness" We have to climb hills and go along our busy way. But our shepherd has taken the difficult task of leading. He is before us, making sure the way is safe for us. He goes before and I follow. We are not responsible for choosing the way. We are responsible for following and for obeying.
The Evening Danger. We must go into the valley of the shadow of death. Remember that it is only death's shadow. We follow the shepherd through the valley. He doesn't take us through at noontime because it would be too hot. He doesn't take us through at night time because it would be too dangerous. But we pass through with the shepherd, boldly. Our enemies are around us, yet we don't have to run. We stay close to the shepherd and he protects us. This is the time that we draw closest to the Lord himself. "Thou art with me"
The Sunset Grace. We have gone through the hard day and he leads us now to a table he has prepared for us. He knew that the green patch was there and he led us to it. It is necessary to go through the valley of the shadow of death to get to the feast.
Twilight Healing. "Thou anointest my head with oil, my cup runneth over." The shepherd stands at the gate with a great pitcher of water and some oil. The sheep are weary and wounded. The Lord pours his healing oil on the sheep and lets us drink all we need. Never evade the shepherd at nightfall. Come near to Him and you will find he has what we need.
The Night Assurance. All day long I have been thinking that I have been following, but now, in review of the day, I find that I have been followed. "Surely goodness and mercy will follow me." The shepherd again has provided for all that we need. And because I see that they have followed me today, I know that they will follow me tomorrow.
Sleeping Resolve. "I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." At night we have resolve that we will dwell in the house of the Lord forever, never desiring any other. And if we end the night light that, we will begin the next morning acknowledging that the Lord is my Shepherd.
This are not my thoughts but they are all from the book. My thoughts are that I hope I can experience this daily in my life.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Bomb, Earthquake, and Flood.... Oh My!
Sometimes I think I am living in Oz. Life is just so strange. People are strange. Everything around me is strange. Not bad, just strange. Like the cows gathered around the garbage dumpster eating their dinner. Or the people who hang on the outside of buses rushing through the city. Or the little two year olds that play on the edge of busy streets and survive. Crazy life!
This week was full of excitement. It started with a bomb at the High Court. Horrible that someone desires to kill people in order to make a point. And no one knows what their point was. Then we had a small earthquake. I am usually scared of earthquakes, but this one didn't cause me to have a heart attack. And finally, the week ended with flooding and chaos around the city when we received 96mm of rain (or something like that). Streets were flooded, homes were flooded, and the little bird's nest outside the office window was flooded.
Imagine what it would be like to have a big bomb, a big earthquake, and a big flood. I guess we can be thankful that these were all smaller than they could have been.
This week was full of excitement. It started with a bomb at the High Court. Horrible that someone desires to kill people in order to make a point. And no one knows what their point was. Then we had a small earthquake. I am usually scared of earthquakes, but this one didn't cause me to have a heart attack. And finally, the week ended with flooding and chaos around the city when we received 96mm of rain (or something like that). Streets were flooded, homes were flooded, and the little bird's nest outside the office window was flooded.
Imagine what it would be like to have a big bomb, a big earthquake, and a big flood. I guess we can be thankful that these were all smaller than they could have been.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Day Two of Insanity
Since I am not really doing the Insanity Workout program, I thought I would just try to do it every other day. But yesterday I started craving an Insanity Workout. So I put on the second workout and gave it a whirl. I did it! I did the whole thing. Certainly not as well as the people in the video, but I made it through. I am surprised at myself for being able to do it. And I am not in pain. I am tired from too much working out, but not in pain. So I am letting myself have the weekend off. Even if I start craving it, I am going to say "no".
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Insane
I tried the Insanity Workout yesterday, kind of just to see if I could do it. Steve joined me in the fun. We made it through the workout without barfing or passing out. It is pretty intense. But I was extremely proud of us for finishing it. Steve is amazing. He could keep up with it for the most part. He did make a big puddle of sweat on the floor that I mopped up afterwards though. I won't be doing it every day, as that is really insane. But I will try to keep doing it and build my cardiovascular health up so I don't die of a heart attack at age 40 or something.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Bladder Control
Some days I just don't have bladder control. It isn't because I am old. I have had this problem for years. Maybe I can blame it on giving birth. I usually only have a problem when I get a knot in my pant's string or can't get the bathroom door locked in time. Once I see a toilet, I have about 5 seconds.
One of our bathrooms in our house has a trick seat. The trick is that the lid doesn't stay up all the time. So this is a problem when I am having a bad bladder day. By the time I get the seat up, I need to be pulling my pants down, and starting to sit. It is all fine unless the seat falls down while I am in the process. This happens more than it should.
Today is one of those days that my bladder is gladder when it is flatter. So I keep rushing to the bathroom and throwing the seat up, while I turn around to start the sitting. Unbeknownst to me (how do you spell that?) the seat is in the falling down process. Usually I can beat it, but sometimes I can't. This has meant some embarrassing moments for me (even though I am alone right now). Maybe I should just get some adult diapers for today so it doesn't happen at work and really embarrass me. Today is a good day for elastic pants.
One of our bathrooms in our house has a trick seat. The trick is that the lid doesn't stay up all the time. So this is a problem when I am having a bad bladder day. By the time I get the seat up, I need to be pulling my pants down, and starting to sit. It is all fine unless the seat falls down while I am in the process. This happens more than it should.
Today is one of those days that my bladder is gladder when it is flatter. So I keep rushing to the bathroom and throwing the seat up, while I turn around to start the sitting. Unbeknownst to me (how do you spell that?) the seat is in the falling down process. Usually I can beat it, but sometimes I can't. This has meant some embarrassing moments for me (even though I am alone right now). Maybe I should just get some adult diapers for today so it doesn't happen at work and really embarrass me. Today is a good day for elastic pants.
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