Forget Your Child? Never!

Isaiah 49:15  "Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yes, these may forget, yet I will not forget you!"

We have girls that come to the home I work at who have been abused by a family member.  Some of the mothers of these girls accuse the girl of lying.  They basically disown the daughter in favor of the abuser staying out of jail, usually to provide financially for the family.  

Many times I am so taken aback that a mother can be so cruel to their daughter.  How can you throw your daughter out?  Is it all about survival?  Fear?  Shame?  Or do they really not have love for the girl?

The Isaiah 49:15 verse reminds us that God will never forget us.  He is not like a mother who has no compassion on her own child.  God's love is perfect.  No matter what we do he will continue to love us.  It is good to know that there is always someone who loves these girls even when it seems everyone else has stopped loving them.

Good Friday

I just finished reading the story of Jesus' crucifixion.  I thought it was a good way to start out my Good Friday.  I want to think about Jesus' death today.  The verse that really stuck out to me today was Luke 23:48
"And all the multitudes who came together for this spectacle, when they observed what had happened, began to return beating their breasts."
This verse made me think about those I know who either mock Jesus or find our belief in Jesus foolish.  I was thinking that if Jesus' death were to happen now, and all of humanity could be watching by TV, who would be cheering his death?  Some would be happy that he was dying so that it would put an end to the "foolishness" of his followers.  But when Jesus died, there were signs that happened, the sky going dark, the veil being torn in two, and an earthquake.  I wonder what it was that convinced the people watching Jesus die that they were wrong.  Was it the way he died or the accompanying signs?

In a way, the people who went away beating their breasts had it lucky.  They could still repent and turn to God.  I don't know what will happen when the end comes.  I wonder if there will be time for repentance.  For people to make a last second confession and give their lives to Jesus.  I hope there is.  But for now, I will pray for those people I know who are against Jesus and Christians.  I pray that it won't take until the last minute for them to realize that they are wrong. 

A Little Bit of Anger

I don't often get angry.  And when I do, it isn't like a huge explosion or anything.

Yesterday I had a small anger outburst.  I am not proud of this.  I feel ashamed and a bit foolish.  I'm sure the situation would have been better dealt with in a calm and humble attitude better.

In the afternoon, after I worked out, I took a shower.  As soon as I got in, the doorbell rang.  Micah answered it, without opening the screen door.  There were three men who spoke to him in Hindi, which he doesn't understand.  So he came to my bathroom door and told me that three guys were at the door and something about electricity.  I told him to tell them to come back in 15 minutes.  He went to tell them and then he came back and said that they told him "no".  Soon the power went off.

I hurried my shower and got dressed and went to the door in a bad mood.  You see, I had time to brew while I showered.  They came back to the door and said we hadn't paid our bill for the past two months so they were turning our power off.  They wanted me to show them the bills.  I don't deal with the bills, so I called Steve.  I told the guys to wait 5 minutes and I closed the door on them.

Steve ran home from the skate park and they again told him how he hadn't paid the bill.  He showed them that he had paid through a local store that pays bills for you.  That receipt wasn't good enough so they wanted us to pay a fine.  And they were saying that they waited an hour and were not happy about that.  Well, that did it.  When I heard that I got mad.  How dare they lie!  I started to boil over.  I went out and said a bit in Hindi how they are liars and they only waited 15 minutes.  They laughed at my Hindi.  I felt like calling the police right there and then, but it would take an hour for the police to come so what was the use.  Besides I was suppose to be leaving at that moment.

Steve was not happy either.  I mean, it would be stupid to come on a Saturday evening to turn someone's electricity off when we would have to wait until Monday to deal with it.  Plus they were saying how I didn't open the door.  So Steve had to explain that as a woman, it is dangerous to open the door to men and that he came as fast as he could.

I left for church feeling irritated in them and myself.  I know it wasn't the way for me to act.  I felt justified in the way I acted, but it wasn't right.  So I spent the rest of the night replaying the event and finally when I got home and went to bed I prayed for forgiveness.  I'm forgiven but still a bit irritated in myself.  And I am still irritated in them.

Time Anxiety

Yesterday I was waiting for a lady to show up for a meeting at my house.  She was suppose to be there at 11.  Around 5 minutes before 11:00 I started to get anxious.  Well, really I got a bit anxious before that even, but I noticed it at about the 5 minute mark.  I started wondering when she would come.  Would she be on time?  Then it was 11:00 and she still hadn't come.  I had to self-talk myself with thoughts of "she is Indian so she will be late."  "Maybe she is stuck in traffic somewhere."  Then it became 11:15 and she still hadn't come.  My anxiety became more intense.  I fidgeted and thought, "How long do I have to wait?"  I looked up "anxiety waiting" on Google and read some insights, but nothing really helpful.  I waited and waited.  Finally at 12:00 I asked Steve (who was napping) how long he thought I should wait.  He said I should just leave and he could call me if she showed up.  I didn't have her phone number so I couldn't call her to see where she was.  So I left.

I was reminded, as I waited, of my anxiety of waiting when I was a child.  I cried when my parents weren't waiting for me right after school got out.  I also remembered the time as an adult when I went to a counseling appointment ironically about my anxiety.  My appointment was the first one in the day, but they wanted me early to fill out paperwork.  Well the silly place wasn't even open when I got there.  So I sat in my car feeling more and more anxious.  I didn't have a watch to judge how much time had passed, but I ended up leaving before I saw any movement in the office.

Now I am waiting for my dentist appointment.  I realize that I also feel anxious when I am waiting to leave.  I worry about being late to places.  I worry that my appointment will be canceled if I am late.  And it is really hard to judge how long it will take me when I am relying on public transportation and walking.  So as I wait, even an hour before my appointment, I try to be productive.  I look up more articles on anxiety.  Eat.  Play a game.  Watch the clock.

So if you wonder why I am always early, now you know.