For some reason, my house is full of cockroaches today. I keep sweeping them outside and spraying poison on them, but they just keep coming back. That is a picture of my heart.
I was reading the scriptures just now (and now you are thinking how spiritual I must be) and it hit me, "I am so foolish". I was reading in Acts 8 about Simon the magician who became a follower of Jesus and when he saw the apostles laying hands on people and doing miracles he asked how he could get this power. He was rebuked for his foolishness. That is totally me! I pray God will forgive the intentions of my heart. Oh foolish girl that I am. No, I am no longer a girl, a woman. And that is worse. I have no excuse for my immature behavior. Here I should be a Godly older lady that gives advice to the younger, but no, I am still acting so foolish and my heart is full of cockroaches.
One of my foolish desires is to have some obvious spiritual gift. Like either the gift of tongues, Urdu to be exact. Or, the gift of healing. But why? My first response would be, so that I will be able to show people God's power and speak to them in their language. Or heal people so they would be drawn to God. But truthfully my heart is not that pure. I want to be noticed. I want to do great things. Sure, I believe good things would come from those giftings, but mostly I would get a big head and more cockroaches would invade my heart. Oh foolish, foolish woman that I am.
2 comments:
Thanks for your honesty. Here's mine... I'm often jealous of my missionary friends around the world doing important work or those with special gifts that make and immediate impact... Maybe, my role is to support these ministries and families through prayers and finances, however meager at times. No one will ever see that and no book will ever be written about me. This is fine most of the times but there are times where I'm envious. I do love that, though I'm not on the front line like them/you, I can still be a part of what God's doing.
but a humble, humble woman at that to post such honesty. i happen to love your heart!! and gift of giving!
Post a Comment