I am a fool!

For some reason, my house is full of cockroaches today. I keep sweeping them outside and spraying poison on them, but they just keep coming back. That is a picture of my heart.

I was reading the scriptures just now (and now you are thinking how spiritual I must be) and it hit me, "I am so foolish". I was reading in Acts 8 about Simon the magician who became a follower of Jesus and when he saw the apostles laying hands on people and doing miracles he asked how he could get this power. He was rebuked for his foolishness. That is totally me! I pray God will forgive the intentions of my heart. Oh foolish girl that I am. No, I am no longer a girl, a woman. And that is worse. I have no excuse for my immature behavior. Here I should be a Godly older lady that gives advice to the younger, but no, I am still acting so foolish and my heart is full of cockroaches.

One of my foolish desires is to have some obvious spiritual gift. Like either the gift of tongues, Urdu to be exact. Or, the gift of healing. But why? My first response would be, so that I will be able to show people God's power and speak to them in their language. Or heal people so they would be drawn to God. But truthfully my heart is not that pure. I want to be noticed. I want to do great things. Sure, I believe good things would come from those giftings, but mostly I would get a big head and more cockroaches would invade my heart. Oh foolish, foolish woman that I am.

Comments

Rooted Renaissance Girl said…
Thanks for your honesty. Here's mine... I'm often jealous of my missionary friends around the world doing important work or those with special gifts that make and immediate impact... Maybe, my role is to support these ministries and families through prayers and finances, however meager at times. No one will ever see that and no book will ever be written about me. This is fine most of the times but there are times where I'm envious. I do love that, though I'm not on the front line like them/you, I can still be a part of what God's doing.
January 27, 2009 at 10:14 AM
Growin' With It said…
but a humble, humble woman at that to post such honesty. i happen to love your heart!! and gift of giving!
January 27, 2009 at 10:46 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hot town!

Of course you have heard me complain about the heat lately. This will be a regular thing for the next couple of months. I looked on CNN weather page to see just how hot it was and it said at midnight that it was "99 and dreary". So true. We are thankful for electricity and air conditioners. When I do aerobics I turn the a/c on and it makes it bearable. You would think that the fat would just melt off. The problem is that ice cream is so cold and refreshing. Then there are mango shakes. yum.
Read more

Redeemed

Psalm 49:7-8 “No man can by any means redeem his brother.  Or give to God a ransom for him.  For the redemption of his soul is costly.” It is an amazing thing when someone comes to faith in God.  Last night I got to witness my brother in-law give his life to Jesus.  His life was redeemed.  The ransom for his soul was paid by Jesus long ago, but yesterday he was set free. My brother in-law was in darkness.  He knows his life was full of darkness and demonic presence.  He has been hearing about Jesus for years and knew that if he ever decided to become a follower that he would do it completely, not half heartedly.  He finally saw that he needed Jesus.  So yesterday he prayed a beautiful prayer acknowledging his need to get rid of the darkness in his life and knowing he can’t do it on his own.  Jesus filled his life.  My brother in-law said he felt something leave.  It was the darkness.  Jesus has filled his life...
Read more

The Party

Last night I went to Allison's (sis in-law) batchlorette party. It was at a mexican restaurant/bar. It was a very crowded place so we weren't able to get a big table all together. Allison and her girl friends were at one table and the old folks (me and others) were at our own table (feeling awkward). Allison showed up at the place drunk already, from a bit too many drinks in the limo. I thought it would be embarrassing to be around your mother in-law to-be and your grandmother in-law to-be, but she didn't seem too worried about it. Allison wasn't a bad drunk really. She was a little loud, but not obnoxious. I felt old. I had a new dress on, but I ended up looking like an old lady instead of a young thing. I had some nice shoes on too. But my purse, which looked fine at home, turned into an old lady purse. It was also cold out, so I had a shawl. I'm glad I had it but it just added to the old lady look. I don't drink for two reasons. First, I am che...
Read more