That is the question I was asking myself yesterday. Does God want me to be happy? I don't really think that is an appropriate question because I don't think that is God's main plan for my life. Nope, it isn't. But the Bible does say that God gives us life, life abundantly. I do believe that God's desire is for me to have an abundant life. So why don't I.
I'm not content with my life these days. I'm tired of being in India, teaching aerobics, not having deeper relationships with people. No matter where I am I want to have deep and meaningful relationships. But is THAT what God wants for me? Probably not. I know He wants to have a deep and meaningful relationship with me, and yet I don't crave that as much as I crave it of other people (who continue to disappoint me). Oh, that I could be like David who wrote many Psalms. He seemed to be yearning after a deeper relationship with God. Or Paul who was content to be in jail at times because that is where God brought him.
I'm glad I'm not in jail or being chased by a crazy king who wants to kill me, but what if I need those things in my life to draw me closer to God? I'm scared of coming to terms with that. Why can't I have the deep desire without going through hardships?
Draw me close to You
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear You say that I'm Your friend
You are my desire
No one else will do
'Cause nothing else could take Your place
To feel the warmth of Your embrace
Help me find the way
Bring me back to You
You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know You are near
4 comments:
ouch...this one hurt a little! remember our conversation at dinner w/ mel & sally? i've sure learned the past few years that being "happy" ain't all that. and i strongly agree w/ the deep part w/ God. does it ever amaze you that we can actually HAVE that with Him?
Just read an excerpt from Amy Carmichael, "Whispers of Power", and she talks about a sparrow alone on the rooftop (Psalm 104:7). "there is a sense in which every soul that follows hard after its God must fund itself alone. He who follows Him the nearest needs must walk alone. It is part of the discipline of life. It is not explained."
I don't think we have to be alone to be near to God...but there seems to be that something that no one can know my deepest need except God.
I am hear for you, chick, if you a friend :).
Being a mom has helped me on this one. I somehow felt guilty being too happy, like that's not the goal in life, and all that spiritual stuff. But don't I want my girls happy? Yes! Sure, I want them to learn and grow in character, and that often means discipline or letting them fall so they can learn. But ultimately I want those things to lead them to an inner sense of happiness/contentment/joy in God and themselves. And I'm realizing that God as my father wants the same things for me. He doesn't want me to be a masochist to follow Him. He just wants me to share His heart for the world, and enjoy him an his tender love for me.
Hmmm... I'm going to enjoy thinking about this for a while. What comes to mind...
I like to look at the difference between being happy and having joy. Happiness, to me, is skin deep, temporary, easily lost. Joy is deep and doesn't depend on circumstances. I'm trying to let go of my pursuit of happiness and am working on real joy which could be there come what may, a real fruit of the Spirit, and doesn't require a cheezy smile.
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