Too Poor to Pay Attention

Lately I have felt the sting of poorness. I have an issue with anxiety anyway, and this is a new test for me in seeing if I can survive through it. It is also a good test in learning to trust, both God and my husband.

We are importing skateboards to sell here in India and right now we are waiting to get them out of customs. I guess we didn't figure in the long delay of customs here when we planned. So there sits our boards (and money).

So anyway, we had to leave India for our visa renewal and we came to Thailand. When we got here we withdrew money and the ATM shows us the balance in our bank. After withdrawing, we have around $30. left. I have never had that little of money. I know that my idea of broke is different than others, but to me, we are broke.

So I lay in bed worrying about our finances and wonder if I am suppose to trust God to take care of us, or if it is our own poor planning that is making us suffer. Like, does God take care of you when you are foolish?

I also lay in bed feeling sorry for myself. My birthday is next week and I wanted a few things. Nothing big, but at least something. I wanted a special cake. But now I just can't justify buying the cake with our last dime. We will get paid on my birthday, but not in time for the cake to be bought. I also wanted to buy a pair of jeans here in Thailand and maybe get my nose pierced. Both are totally cheap here. Six dollars for the jeans and another six dollars for the piercing. But both are things I don't "need".

I do allow myself to buy a few Thai iced teas. Those are treats for me. So I guess I need to enjoy the moment and not worry about eating cake. I will put a few thai bhat away for the last day here. Enough to pay for the extra baggage they will likely charge us at the airport.