The same old feelings are gnawing at my heart again. The lump in my throat that I try to push down. Not knowing how to express my hurt. Not even knowing if it is selfish of me to feel the way I do. But here I am again, feeling over looked.
I found out today that there is a conference that is being planned and I wasn't invited to it. I think I should have been invited. But this happens about every year or so and I am never initially invited. Usually I am an after thought and someone will forward me the invitation. I am thankful for those who do think of me, but then it just reinforces the fact that I wasn't thought of before.
Why does it hurt? You would think I would get used to not being invited to these things since I never have been. But each time it happens it stabs me in the heart again. I feel like throwing in the towel and quitting my job. Who wants to work at a place where they aren't noticed. But then I remind myself that I do this for God, not for others to notice. Or at least that is what I know I am suppose to be doing. But the truth is, I want to be noticed. I want to count. I want to be valued.
I don't think they make pain medicine for this kind of hurt. Or at least it isn't legal. Someone get me a Dr. Pepper on the rocks!
1 comment:
Leslie, I think you are human. That would hurt my feelings over and over too. And in fact, does. And yes, you're right, you are working for God and not for others. But you are also on a team and a team needs all their players. So, it just makes sense that it hurts when it feels like your team forgot you were on it.
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