Balloon Releasing

I've been wanting to do this for a few weeks and finally made myself do it today.  I bought a $1.49 balloon at the 99 cent store (ummmm, why was it $1.49?) and tied my message to the balloon.  My message was a statement about how I am releasing my desire for an apology.  Also that I can't make people do anything they don't want to do.  And that I give that desire over to God who knows exactly what I need.  My movement forward in healing isn't going to be tied to an apology I never got.  So I brought the balloon home and read my statement out loud and then released it.  It was a bit windy today so at first the balloon didn't seem to gain much height.  As I watched it race away it gradually climbed higher and higher towards the dark clouds in the sky.  I thought about the releasing and trusting that I was doing.

My little nephew is watching Elmo right now.  I guess Elmo made his friend sad by saying that her pet rock, Rocco, was just a rock.  And he then lost Rocco.  So his friend was mad and sad.  But Elmo felt really bad about it and found Rocco and brought him back to his friend.  His friend didn't want to see Elmo because she was mad at him.  Elmo said how sorry he was for hurting her by saying Rocco was just a rock.  She said how she was really hurt by it and also that now Rocco was missing.  Elmo again said that he was sorry.  She said that she forgave him.  But Elmo noticed that she was still sad.  She said it was because she missed Rocco.  Then Elmo showed her Rocco.  She then became happy.

Isn't it interesting how an apology doesn't take away the sadness.  And forgiveness doesn't always just make everything okay.  I have forgiven my friends for the hurt they caused me even though they are unable to say sorry, but it doesn't mean I am all happy again.  And even if they had apologized it wouldn't have made things all better.  Saying sorry is more for the person who has done something hurtful.  It is them accepting the fact that they caused hurt, even if it was unintentional.  And forgiveness isn't for the person that is being forgiven, it is more for the person who does the forgiving.  Both of these acts releases the person who is taking the active roll.

So today I am one step closer to the ending of this chapter of my life.

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