Yesterday I was waiting for a lady to show up for a meeting at my house. She was suppose to be there at 11. Around 5 minutes before 11:00 I started to get anxious. Well, really I got a bit anxious before that even, but I noticed it at about the 5 minute mark. I started wondering when she would come. Would she be on time? Then it was 11:00 and she still hadn't come. I had to self-talk myself with thoughts of "she is Indian so she will be late." "Maybe she is stuck in traffic somewhere." Then it became 11:15 and she still hadn't come. My anxiety became more intense. I fidgeted and thought, "How long do I have to wait?" I looked up "anxiety waiting" on Google and read some insights, but nothing really helpful. I waited and waited. Finally at 12:00 I asked Steve (who was napping) how long he thought I should wait. He said I should just leave and he could call me if she showed up. I didn't have her phone number so I couldn't call her to see where she was. So I left.
I was reminded, as I waited, of my anxiety of waiting when I was a child. I cried when my parents weren't waiting for me right after school got out. I also remembered the time as an adult when I went to a counseling appointment ironically about my anxiety. My appointment was the first one in the day, but they wanted me early to fill out paperwork. Well the silly place wasn't even open when I got there. So I sat in my car feeling more and more anxious. I didn't have a watch to judge how much time had passed, but I ended up leaving before I saw any movement in the office.
Now I am waiting for my dentist appointment. I realize that I also feel anxious when I am waiting to leave. I worry about being late to places. I worry that my appointment will be canceled if I am late. And it is really hard to judge how long it will take me when I am relying on public transportation and walking. So as I wait, even an hour before my appointment, I try to be productive. I look up more articles on anxiety. Eat. Play a game. Watch the clock.
So if you wonder why I am always early, now you know.
I was reminded, as I waited, of my anxiety of waiting when I was a child. I cried when my parents weren't waiting for me right after school got out. I also remembered the time as an adult when I went to a counseling appointment ironically about my anxiety. My appointment was the first one in the day, but they wanted me early to fill out paperwork. Well the silly place wasn't even open when I got there. So I sat in my car feeling more and more anxious. I didn't have a watch to judge how much time had passed, but I ended up leaving before I saw any movement in the office.
Now I am waiting for my dentist appointment. I realize that I also feel anxious when I am waiting to leave. I worry about being late to places. I worry that my appointment will be canceled if I am late. And it is really hard to judge how long it will take me when I am relying on public transportation and walking. So as I wait, even an hour before my appointment, I try to be productive. I look up more articles on anxiety. Eat. Play a game. Watch the clock.
So if you wonder why I am always early, now you know.
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